When Seeking Love

For many people, dating websites have become the first port of call when seeking love yet in their burning desire for a partner, children and all that a partnership appears to bring, they can sometimes forget the most basic of things; what do they actually have to offer a future partner?


Time and again I have spoken to people who are searching for love, or stuck in an unhappy relationship and yet when I ask them what their interests are, they are often not able to list anything that they actively pursue.  It makes me wonder what their dating profiles look like; "interested in love", "interested in having children', or even just "interested in having sex".  Last time I checked, these weren't actually hobbies.


There is a famous saying in psychology that when two people come together, it should be like two cups overflowing, sharing the abundance of their lives, rather than two people with cups only half full, expecting that the other person will make up the deficit.  At some time in our lives, most of us have been in the position of wanting someone else to make us happy, but it is a back to front approach to love and inevitably leads to misery. 


 If you are seeking love, why not look first at your own life?  Make sure that it is brimming over with interests and activities, so you are enjoying life with or without a partner, and then if a romantic love does arrive, then you have something to share with your loved one, ie your life.


Another advantage to this approach, of focusing on your own life rather than on finding a partner, is that you will create a powerful magnet of happiness which will inevitably draw new friends and possibly the right partner, into your life.  I believe that when you are too busy for love, that is when love arrives.


I had a friend who really wanted to find a partner but gave up on dating websites for a while and focused instead on getting back into cycling.  Just one simple thing.  Of course, her profile changed and as a result, she attracted someone who was interested in cycling... they are about to have their second baby and she can't wait to return to early morning bike rides.  


So get creative, think outside the square, open yourself up to a new way of living.  Sign up for courses, learn new skills, explore new hobbies, focus on the friends and family who are already in your life, see the abundance which is already there and before you know it, I can guarantee, love will come knocking. 


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